


Hurt

by PrincessAnastasiaVladescu



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Craig's POV, Depression, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Parental Death, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love, i'm depressed guys, mentions of hospitalization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 19:09:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14087709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessAnastasiaVladescu/pseuds/PrincessAnastasiaVladescu
Summary: Here I am, Craig fucking Tucker, broken and forced to act like everything's okay.Craig isn't okay, he's fucking depressed and Tweek hurt him pretty fucking badly.I promise everything works out in the end.





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> So I am depressed™ and I thought the best way to cope with it was to write my favorite characters in pain at midnight.  
> It's 2am so if I have any typos or anything I am sorry.  
> If you read my other fics, there will be a footnote about my unfinished fics.  
> DISCLAIMER  
> I AM IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM TRYING TO GLAMORIZE DEPRESSION/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/SELF HARM.  
> I suffer from all three of these things and I just needed an outlet.

            The town sign loomed over my head like a beast about to pounce, he was about to chew me up until there was nothing left and swallow me, leaving no trace of me behind. My heart felt like it would pound out of my chest as I crossed into the place I never thought I’d see again, the place I swore I’d never escape from. At least not alive.

            Now, I was coming back, into a homecoming I never wanted. It felt so unfair, maybe I should have told the therapist I would kill myself for real if I had to come back here, maybe then I wouldn’t be trudging through the snow to get to school. Now that I think about it, if I _had_ done that, I’d still be locked up. I honestly don’t know which is worse. Life’s funny like that, a sixteen-year-old makes a comment about killing himself and everyone loses their shit, but adults will cry out for help and be told to suck it up.

            I know I should try to think positively, that I wouldn’t be so depressed if I’d look on the bright side, but I think that’s horse shit. Thinking good thoughts never got anyone anywhere, it’s just a placebo. Life is miserable and there isn’t enough positivity in the fucking world to change that.

            As I came closer to the school, the more my heart raced. This is the last place I want to be, full of the last people I want to see. I can feel myself getting dizzy, my stomach churning. I’m gonna puke, I can’t do this.

            I braced myself against the chain link fence, taking deep breaths in through my nose.

            “Dammit…” I mumble to myself.  I keep my eyes clenched tightly shut, gritting my teeth.

            _Get your shit together, Tucker._ I think to myself.

            Just when I think I can’t do this, when I’m almost two seconds away from turning around and going home, I feel a soft touch on the back of my shoulder. I whip around, my fist clenched tightly, ready to fight whoever thinks they can—

            “C-Craig…?” Dammit. God fucking dammit. I can feel the breath knocked out of my lungs, my heart feels like it’s stopped. All because of the twitchy little prick looking at me like I’m about to fall apart. Why does he have to look at me with those big, green eyes!? Why does he have to look so concerned!? He doesn’t give a damn about me, none of them do.

            “What?” As usual, my voice comes out monotonous. Luckily, I can hide the shit show going on inside of me from others. I knit my eyebrows together when I see the hurt expression on Tweek’s face, fuck why does he have to seem so caring!?

            “I-I didn’t expect to see you…I-I thought you were—"

            “In the nuthouse?” I cut him off, finishing his sentence for him.

            “T-that’s not….!” He sighed, tugging on his hair. It took every ounce of self-control I had to keep from pulling his hand away from his hair and holding it in mine. “A-are you doing better…?” Tweek lowered his voice, almost as if he was afraid someone would overhear.

            “You mean, am I gonna try to kill myself again? It’s a soft maybe at this point.” I start to walk away, but blunt nails dig into my hand.

            “C-Craig, wait! P-please, can w-we talk about this!?”

            “Talk about what!?” I can feel my anger rising, my hands shaking. “You’re a piece of work, Tweek! You act all innocent and caring but where were you when I was going through the worst time in my life!? Oh yeah, you were playing the hurt ex-boyfriend! No one gave a fuck about me because of you!”

            “T-that’s not…I-I didn’t mean to! C-Craig, you know I-I broke up with you b-because _you_ didn’t want to f-fake date me anymore! I-I didn’t mean to take it that f-far! I-I…” He took a deep breath, tears in his eyes. I felt a twinge of guilt, but I suppressed it. “I-I’m sorry I wasn’t there for y-you when your dad died…I-I should have been a b-better friend!”

            “Yeah, you should have been.” I jerk my hand away from his, wincing at the soft sob that escapes his lips. “I have to get to class.”

            And with that, I left him by the school gates. I didn’t even look back, afraid that the tears clouding my vision would spill over.

            _Stupid. I’m so stupid._

 

                                                _Three Months Ago_

            This has been the shittiest week ever, and it’s only Wednesday. I honestly don’t think my life could get any worse at this point. I had to walk home by myself for the first time on Monday, watched all my friends go comfort _Tweek_ about our ‘break-up’ on Tuesday, and today I realized that I don’t want to fake date him anymore because I really want to _real_ date him. Man, my life is fucked up right now.

            I walked into my house, mumbling a quiet ‘hello’ to my mom and my sister who are sitting in the living room. They don’t answer me, and I hear Tricia sniffling quietly. I hang up my jacket and turn to face them.

            My heart feels like it’s stopped, my sister is crying into my mother’s chest, and my mother looks pale and distant.

            “What’s going on…?” Mom looks up at me and pats the empty couch beside her. I hesitantly sit down and let her wrap her arm around me. My family isn’t what you’d call ‘affectionate’. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong.

            “Craig, honey…” She takes in a shaky breath, gripping me a bit tighter. “I-I hate to tell you this but…your father is gone. H-he passed away this afternoon…”

            I felt cold. This couldn’t be real. Dad was just fine this morning!

            “W-what…?” My mind could only muster one word, my mouth was too dry to say anymore.

            “H-he had a heart attack, baby…” Her voice was cracking, she was holding back tears. She’s much stronger than me. I could feel hot tears pouring from my eyes, sharp sobs wracking my body. He’s gone, my dad is gone.

            I laid in my bed for hours that night, unable to sleep. I looked at my alarm clock, seeing the bright red lights flash 5:45 am. I’d been up all night, but that didn’t phase me. I picked up my phone, dialing the one person I knew would be awake. The one person I needed right now, regardless of how bad I fucked up.

            “H-hello?” He answered on the second ring, as I expected. He always woke up at five thirty for his morning coffee.

            “T-Tweek…” My voice sounded awful. It was so hoarse and thick with tears.

            “C-Craig! W-what do you want?” His voice was a hushed whisper, he must be around his parents who knew about our supposed break-up, and probably weren’t happy about it.

            “Cut the act, please…This is serious. M-my dad died yesterday…” I could hear a soft whimper in response.

            “O-oh god, I-I’m sorry…but I can’t talk to you, Craig. M-my parents f-forbid me to t-talk to you…”

            “Are you fucking serious!? My dad just fucking died and you’re still pretending we’re exes!?”

            “I-I’m sorry, Craig…” I heard a click, and then he was gone.

            That’s when I knew Tweek Tweak wouldn’t be there for me, that’s when I knew I’d be alone.

 

            When I finally came back to school, everyone avoided me. They were either too afraid to approach me because they didn’t know what to say, or they were pissed at me for whatever tall tale Tweek told them about our break up. I don’t even care. I don’t care about him, the others, anything.

            Tweek would shoot me apologetic glances from across the room, but I just avoided his eyes at all costs. He took this whole thing too fucking far. I know that I’m the one who said I was tired of pretending to be in a relationship, but I also said I just wanted to be friends again. Apparently, he forgot about that detail.

            I couldn’t even walk down the hall in peace. I was constantly hearing whispers behind my back, seeing glares thrown my way by the multiple ‘creek’ fans. I was even pushed into the lockers by Eric fucking Cartman. He held me up by the shirt, throwing insults at me.

            “I didn’t know you were such a yaoi fanboy, fatass.” I retorted back, kicking him between the legs. He cursed as he went down, screaming more insults my way. I just kept walking, ignoring his yelling. I was suspended from school, of course. Just my fucking luck.

            I had nothing but free time to get wrapped up in my own head now. Tweek didn’t even sneak me a text here and there anymore, no one talked to me. I’m alone. Totally and utterly alone.

            The next few days passed me by in a blur. I mostly slept, and if I wasn’t sleeping, I was drinking whatever liquor I could get my hands on. I just wanted everything to stop for a while. I wanted to just sleep for a while, until all of this was over with. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted it all to stop.

            I guess that’s why I took so many pills.

            I just wanted it to end.

 

 

            I struggled to focus on the teacher droning on. The meds they gave me made me spacy, which wasn’t gonna help my grades. I felt like everyone’s eyes were on me, watching me, waiting for me to hurt myself. They looked at me like I was broken, almost like I was some kind of injured puppy. It was sick, really.

            The bell rang, and I grabbed my notebook, throwing my bag over my shoulder. The teacher stopped me, giving me some work to make up for what I’ve missed. He patted me on the back, telling me what all of my teachers thus far have told me. _I’m here for you if you need to talk._

            They just wanted to feel like they made a difference. I smile halfway and nod, but deep down I know if I want to die again, I’ll make sure it happens.

            The next class is one I’ve been dreading.

            _Gym._

Not only do I share this class with Tweek, but I also have to undress. I tried to sneak in, tried to be unnoticed as I pulled my shirt over my head. I must have failed as I heard a startled gasp from beside me, followed by whispers.

            _Damn it._

I know what they’re seeing. They’re seeing Craig Tucker, former wrestler and general badass, so thin that my ribs are visible. They’re seeing the lines all up and down my arms, raised scars and some fresh wounds. They’re seeing someone who’s been to hell and back.

            I pulled my gym shirt on, knowing it doesn’t cover everything, and slammed my locker door. I stormed into the gym, just wanting this day to be over with already.

           

            “Craig!” I turned to see Kenny, one of the only people who came to visit me in the hospital, rushing to catch up with me after gym.

            “Hey, McCormick.” I like Kenny, but everyone knows he’s the town whore. He’s been with everyone and their mother probably.

            “Man, today probably sucks for you, huh?” He snickered.

            “Whatever could you mean?” I asked sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

            “Man, everyone just doesn’t know how to act around you right now, so they just stare and talk behind your back. That’s what’s supposed to happen, right?” I chuckled at his musings.

            “Totally. Oh, and pretend like all of this wasn’t their fault. That’s a nice one.” Kenny cleared his throat, the smile falling from his face for a moment.

            “Seriously, dude, I gotta know somethin’…”

            “Hm?”

            “Did I…Was this partially my fault too?” I shook my head.

            “Dude, I’m just being an ass. It was my fault, I’m the one who took a fistful of pills.”  

            “We all feel like shit…you were in so much pain and we didn’t see it.”

            “By ‘we’, do you mean you, Clyde, Token, Jimmy, and…Tweek?” I almost had to force his name out, as I could feel my throat closing at the thought of him.

            “Yeah, how’d you guess?” He smiled small as we sat at an empty cafeteria table.

            “You guys are my only friends. Of course you would blame yourself…” I sighed.

            “Do you still want to die?” I just nod. I feel comfortable talking with Kenny about these things, I can’t explain why.

            “Dude, I really think you need to talk to Tweek.”

            “When did that asshole come up?” I sneered, avoiding Kenny’s gaze.

            “I just think you two need to work things out.”

            “Well, he tried already, and I called him out on being a dick.” I didn’t want to talk about Tweek anymore, I didn’t need to torture myself further.

            “Dammit, Craig, I shouldn’t be the one telling you this but…” Kenny leaned over the table to whisper, “Tweek’s in love with you, dude. Like, bad.”

            “Bullshit.” I rolled my eyes. This is ridiculous.

            “I’m not bullshitting you! He fell the fuck apart when we found out you tried to kill yourself! We were all at the macabre assembly about suicide prevention or some shit and he fucking screamed when we found out. He admitted everything, the fake relationship, fake breakup. He blamed himself…” Kenny seemed to go somewhere else as he spoke, maybe remembering what happened like it was yesterday. “I took him out of there and he told me he loved you, but he was too stupid to admit it…”

            This was too much to process, my heart was in my throat and I felt my nails raking against the skin underneath my jacket. I stood up suddenly, knocking my chair over in the process.

            “Craig!? Where are you going!?” I didn’t answer him. I had to go somewhere quiet, I had to think. I had to be alone.

            I rushed out the back doors, taking deep gulps of air. I slid down the rough bricks, pulling my knees to my chest. My heart was still racing, but at least I could breathe. At least the only sounds were distant cars and birds chirping. I picked up some snow and piled it on my arm where I’d scratched some wounds open. The chill felt nice.

            I barely heard the back door close, or the crunching of footsteps approaching me. I couldn’t care less right now, whoever it is will just go away eventually.

            Of course, my luck would make it so they didn’t go away. Instead, they sat in the snow beside me. I glanced over to see a mess of blonde hair, sitting in the same position as me. His chin was resting on his knees as he stared ahead of him. It took him a while to speak, but when he did, he pulled his knees closer.

            “I-I’m sorry I never told you…” His voice was soft.

            “Never told me what?” I knew what he was talking about, but I wanted him to s _ay it._

“I-I love you, Craig…” His voice cracked, tears were welling in his eyes for the second time today.

            “I love you, Tweek…” I admitted. It felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I still resented him for what he did, but it was nice to have our feelings truly exposed for once.

            “I-I’m sorry…T-this was all my fault…I-if I had b-been there…” I wrapped my dry arm around his shoulders, pulling him close to me. I let him break down, let his tears fall and his sobs bubble through his lips.

            “Listen to me, you didn’t help me when I needed you, that’s a fact…” His sobs started to become hysterical and I kneeled in front of him, making him look at me. “But you did not put the pills in my hand, you didn’t force me to take a razor to my skin. I did that. It’s my fault, not yours.”

            “B-but…!” I shook my head, kissing his head softly.

            “I shouldn’t have blamed you, I’m sorry. My problems are my own, but I need help. Will you help me make it through this?” Tweek nodded, wrapping his arms tightly around my neck and pulling me close to him. We held each other for a long time, letting each other cry it out.

            It would take a long time for me to trust Tweek again, and it would take a long time for Tweek to forgive himself, but I’m willing to wait it out.

            I’m willing to work things out with him if it means I never have to feel alone again.

**Author's Note:**

> Footnote for anyone who reads my other Creek fics:  
> Okay, so I've been struggling hardcore with depression/anxiety lately. I'm so sorry I haven't finished/updated my other fics. I swear new chapters are sitting half finished, I just don't have the motivation to finish them. I want them to be good, so I think it's a good idea to keep stepped away for a moment until I can put out quality chapters. Also, My boyfriend is a trans man who is undergoing top surgery, so for the next few weeks I will likely not update anything. I'm so sorry. I wish I had my life together but I'm honestly struggling hardcore rn with all of my emotions.  
> I promise they will get finished. It may just take longer than I would like!


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